Had some heart wrenching moments this week. Stumbled across this today. I wrote this about a decade ago. God never changes. On some days He still reminds me why I am here. And I still wouldn’t have it any other way.
That’s how I feel today. Seems like the last 2 days Africa has been hard on me. Some of those times where every thing within me screams, WHY GOD WHY!!!!! Yes there is injustice everywhere in the world….but when it has a face….and a name….and a tear stained face it takes on a whole new dimension.
Yesterday it was the story of a child, a homeless child, a throwaway street kid who had been victimized the night before. Specifically he was sodomized by a grown man, not once but repeatedly during the night. Forced me to sit back and think, to really internalize the terror and pain he must have felt, not to mention the shame and embarrassment. The evil and depravity that accompanies such an act just blows me away, that a small child would have to endure this kind of unspeakable horror, with no one to help him, to comfort him or to love him…..no one but me.
Today it was a grown man, sobbing as I held on to him and prayed for him. He recently discovered that his wife had been carrying on for years a love affair with another family member, that of the 7 children that called him daddy…..the last 4 in fact belonged to this other man. His wife had confessed all this, leaving the family home, leaving him with not only a broken heart but also a deadly disease…he was HIV positive.
Yes I see these type of “things” all the time, for some reason these last 2 days have been over the top. I suppose God is reminding me of my prayer….”break my heart for what breaks yours” It’s a dangerous prayer if you don’t sincerely mean it. Maybe sometimes my heart gets a little hard and calloused to the suffering I see on a daily basis. This is His way of drawing me back closer to Him, to realize that in Jesus lies my peace and my joy. And it’s a great reminder of just why I am here, why I do what I do.
Job says it well in chapter 19:
3 “Oh, that my words were recorded,
that they were written on a scroll,
24 that they were inscribed with an iron tool on lead,
or engraved in rock forever!
25 I know that my Redeemer lives,
and that in the end he will stand upon the earth.
I KNOW that my Redeemer lives. That’s all I have to stand on today, but you know what? It’s all I need!!!
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